Download 1000 Years of Annoying the French by Stephen Clarke PDF

By Stephen Clarke

Used to be the conflict of Hastings a French victory? Non! William the Conqueror used to be Norman and hated the French. have been the Brits relatively answerable for the demise of Joan of Arc? Non! The French sentenced her to loss of life for donning trousers. was once the guillotine a French invention? Non! It was once invented in Yorkshire. Ten centuries' worthy of French ancient 'facts' chew the airborne dirt and dust as Stephen Clarke seems to be at what has relatively been happening when you consider that 1066...

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I guess it probably would be less traumatic for the baby, but certainly more trau- In the natural childbirth classes my wife and I took, the birthing process was represented by a hand puppet being pushed through a sock. So, at the actual birth, I was shocked to see all this blood. :.. prepared myself for was a lot of lint. nine months, I'm keeping. don't care if it's a shoe. " Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive. DON IIEI\OLD DOROTIIY PARKER "Delivery" is the wrong word to describe the childbearing process.

Feeling sluggish and urinating frequently? " STANLEY MYRON IIANDELMAN A~ vVhat really happened to the buffaloes is just what you might expect if you've ever seen one in a zoo-the moths got into them. WILL CUPPY My allergy tests suggest that I may have been intended for some other planet. Aica Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when you see them wearing dark glasses and having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers, because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

He couldn't get either one so he just laid down and died. TI-lE DUKE OF PADUCAII (WHITEY FORD) I'll quit drinkin' just as soon as I can find some better way to get it down. TIIRO BURNS Bill Paley just walked into my dressing room with two bottles of champagne and opened them up and said, "Let's have a drink. " GRACIE AUL'I I envy people who drink-at least they know what to blame everything on. OSCAR LEVANT DAVE ASTOR There was a couple drinking doubles. And the waitress goes over and says, "Miss, your hus- The drinking age should be 18.

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