By Richard A. Isay
"What's love obtained to do with it? every little thing, in keeping with Richard Isay's expert and illuminating examine the position of romance in smooth homosexual lifestyles. I hugely suggest this e-book for individuals of any new release and partnership status."
--Dean H. Hamer, Ph.D., writer of The technological know-how of wish and The God Gene
"Richard Isay bargains anything much better than easy bromides and fake wish. during this ebook, he demanding situations us with a provocative, illuminating, and eventually hopeful examine ourselves and explains how these people who yearn to like and be enjoyed (and who doesn't?) can top locate happiness and therapeutic in a dedicated relationship."
--Eric Marcus, writer of The Male Couple's consultant and jointly Forever
"Many homosexual males (and others, too) tend to locate this booklet exceedingly fascinating and valuable. In a sequence of vividly illuminating case histories and with a psychoanalyst's intensity and readability of perception, Richard Isay lucidly explains why homosexual males have specific trouble in constructing and maintaining loving relationships and the way they could sensibly enhance their possibilities of doing so."
--Harry G. Frankfurt, Ph.D., writer of On Bullshit and the explanations of Love
"Richard Isay's portrayals of homosexual men's lives usually are debatable. Isay isn't the stereotypical psychoanalyst who sits quietly whereas his sufferers ramble--and we're the entire larger for that. He has whatever to assert and what he says is worthy listening to. This provocative ebook might be learn by means of a person who yearns for yet hasn't but came across actual love."
--William Rubenstein, Founding Director of the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation legislations and previous Director of the ACLU Lesbian & homosexual Rights Project
"Based on Dr. Isay's 3 many years of expertise operating with homosexual males in remedy, it is a deeply considerate learn of the problems homosexual males may perhaps event with falling and staying in love. For a homosexual guy, studying this ebook can cause him to revisit a few darkish areas alongside his personal life's trip, however it also will supply him a glimpse of the self-affirmation and ability for switch which are the objectives of gay-positive psychotherapy."
--Simon LeVay, Ph.D., writer of Human Sexuality and Queer Science
"Indispensable insights from America's wisest observer of homosexual relationships."
--Charles Kaiser, writer of The homosexual Metropolis
"Gay humans search the liberty to marry for a similar mixture of purposes as non-gay humans, and for many, love and dedication are valuable. Drawing on his unparalleled services and many years of news from his sufferers, Richard Isay explores the demanding situations and price of romantic love--how to beat our pasts and improve our current lives at home--as we construct a way forward for better equality and inclusion in society."
--Evan Wolfson, writer of Why Marriage issues
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Additional resources for Commitment and Healing: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic Love
This painful emotion evolved from our primitive need to compete for limited sexual and environmental resources and from the manifest aggression we needed to repulse intruders who threatened these resources. Most likely, jealousy ﬁrst developed in humans simply to warn of threats to reproductive and food supplies, but later, with the formation of families, it warned when a third person was a threat to a sexual object who was also the source of love and security for oneself and one’s offspring. Jealousy is an emotion that does not always portray threats accurately or realistically; it alerts us to dangers that may be imagined as well as real.
They become increasingly aware of the anxiety and the pain of loneliness and more apprehensive about aging and rejection. They also worry about their mortality and future illness. It is in their forties that most gay men grow to understand that only a lasting loving relationship with another man will provide them with a sense of selfworth and ultimate happiness. qxd 3/9/06 34 10:56 AM Page 34 commitment and healing heterosexual marriage, work, increasing self-absorption, a preoccupation with their looks, the creation of a beautiful and comforting environment that they inhabit alone, or the excessive use of alcohol and recreational drugs.
He put his doll away and stopped following his mother on her chores; he also stopped displaying excitement and enthusiasm, and he refused to express anger or to cry when he was unhappy. I ﬁrst saw Andrew when he was thirty-ﬁve because he wanted an intimate, romantic relationship, which he now feared was beyond his reach. He enjoyed sex and was physically attracted to many types of men, but he was unable to fall in love. He was attractive and intelligent and other men often initially desired him, but they soon lost interest because they found him unfeeling.